


Night of My Dreams

by MindNoise



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M, ghost story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-18 16:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4712324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindNoise/pseuds/MindNoise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam visits the Paris Catacombs and comes across a mysterious blond.</p><p>song inspiration (copy/paste link in browser):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hufzuj5weo</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Empire of the Dead

Adam descends the stone steps leading from the brightly lit Paris streets into the dark cavern below. He briefly panics, wondering if he’ll make it down the 130 steps set into a narrow, winding staircase and into the catacombs without falling, but excitement quickly takes over. He’s giddy. He’s wanted to do this for so long and now he’s here. He wishes he could pause and let his eyes adjust to the dim lighting, but there are people behind him, so he carefully moves on. The air is cool and stagnant. He wrinkles his nose at the aged, earthy smell. It’s pretty incredible.

The Paris Catacombs are a tourist hot spot. It’s Adam’s first time in Paris and while he wants to visit the usual touristy spots, the big draw is the catacombs. One hundred and eighty-six miles underneath the city, it’s a winding graveyard holding 6 million bodies the cemeteries above ground couldn’t hold. It’s kinda cool, kinda creepy. And Adam wants to see it. He’ll only see a mile of it, though. The majority of the network of caves is closed off, and honestly, who wants to walk 186 miles through dead bodies? One mile is enough for him.

He reaches the bottom of the winding stairs and looks around. He follows his small tour group through the opening doorway, taking a quick picture with his cell phone at the inscription overhead: Arre te. C’est ici l’empire de la mort! (Stop. This is the Empire of Death!) For the next 45 minutes he is going to tour this empire. Adam hurries through and into the ossuary.

He studies the scene around him. There are wall hangings and street names etched into the walls, dedications carved in stone. It’s like someone tried to make the catacombs below a replica of the city above. He sees Parisian buildings that he passed by on the way here etched into the walls. It’s also a constant freezing 57 degrees. He’s glad he brought a jacket.

The lighting is so dim and he has to lean in to look at any writings or dedications on the walls. He raises his cell phone in front of him and takes a few pictures. They look okay on the phone and he hopes they look good when transferred to his computer. His tour group moves on and he reluctantly follows. He probably should’ve just gotten one of the audio guides so he could take his time rather than be at the mercy of a person who’s reciting a tour script all day and is in a hurry to get it over with. He pauses to take a picture of a street sign in the wall and falls behind his group. He steps back and looks around. He focuses his camera to take a picture of as much of the whole area as he can fit into the tiny screen. He touches the middle of the screen forcing the camera to refocus and refocus until he gets it just right. Bright blond hair on the outer edge of the frame catches his eye. He stares; it’s such bright hair. As he snaps the picture and the camera phone shouts its click, the figure with the blond hair turns his head. The camera lag is enough to catch the blond’s profile in the shot. Adam stares at the photo until it disappears from the screen into the phone’s memory. He looks up and sees the blond standing not far from him. He can’t take his eyes off of him. He’s petite, pale, almost dainty, and beautiful. He’s perfect. The blond watches Adam’s tour group move away further into the caverns; he looks around at the other solo tourists with their audio tour guides plugged into their ears. He looks Adam’s way, his gaze stopping sharply on Adam, almost boring into him. Adam jerks slightly as he’s caught staring and almost laughs. He smiles nervously, but the blond turns away. Adam sighs and embarrassment replaces tension. Well he blew that, seeing a gorgeous man, staring at him like a stalker. Just his luck.

“Scared another one away,” he mutters.

His group is long gone, so he turns back to the entryway and pays for an audio tour.

 

_“In the second half of the 18th century, the cemeteries in Paris were so crowded that the bodies overflowed into the city, Les Innocents being the largest cemetery. Bodies were buried improperly, graves were left open, and the exposed corpses became a health concern. In 1786, the underground limestone quarries were blessed and consecrated, and turned into an underground tomb. It took two years to transfer bodies from cemeteries to the catacombs for reburial. After the French Revolution it was used to bury the newly dead. The catacombs began on the outskirts of the city. Since then Paris has grown so much that the catacombs are now underneath the city.”_

The recorded voice in Adam’s ear from the audio tour was so mellow and even that Adam tuned it in and out unconsciously. He’d researched the catacombs anyway; the recording isn’t telling him anything new. He roams slowly, gazing with morbid interest at the bones stacked in the walls. He snaps pictures every now and then, and leans in, but he makes it a point not to touch any of them, though he’s seen other tourists do it. He feels it’s disrespectful, not to mention creepy as all hell.

_“The catacombs are the reason there are very few tall buildings in Paris,”_ the recording tells him.

He sighs. After renting the audio tour, he rushed back to the entrance, hoping the blond was still there. He wasn’t. Of course. He didn’t know what he would’ve done had the blond been there, not like he had a plan, but it would’ve been nice to catch another glimpse of him. He might be guilty of flipping back through the pictures on his phone to look at his profile a couple of times.

He steps back from the wall of bones and looks at it as a panoramic scene. It’s a visible mausoleum, the bones stacked in repeating patterns with archways, tablets, and monuments placed every few feet. Everything is displayed so neatly and it suddenly feels wrong to gawk at it all. Adam looks around at the other tourists in the passageway with him. No more than 200 people are allowed in at a time and they’re all scattered about, but it suddenly feels like 2,000 people crammed in with him. The temperature in the catacombs never changes but he feels warm and sweat forming at his hairline. He takes a deep breath, sudden queasiness coming over him. He’s not prone to panic attacks or claustrophobia so he’s no idea where this is coming from.

_“The wall hangings contain informational...”_

Adam yanks the headphones off, almost dropping the audio player. He takes another deep breath. He has to get it together, he can’t freak out in here. There’s no shortcut out of this place, no side exit.

“Are you okay?” a soft voice asks.

Adam looks over and nearly swallows his tongue. The blond is standing next to him, staring intently at him. Adam can’t answer, just stare back.

The blond takes his arm tentatively. “Here,” he says, guiding Adam to the other side of the passageway and out of the path of traffic.

Adam leans forward, his hands on his knees, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. The audio recorder falls out of his hand and clatters to the ground. He closes his eyes and focuses on deep breathing. The spell passes. He straightens up, the blond letting go of his arm.

“Thanks,” he says shyly.

“Sure,” the blond replies, nodding slightly.

“Don’t know what happened,” Adam explains. “Was fine one minute, feeling claustrophobic the next. Weird.”

The blond nods again in agreement. “This place can close in on you.”

Adam huffs a nervous laugh. Silence falls between them. Adam feels awkward and he doesn’t want the blond to leave.

“Adam,” he says quickly. “I’m Adam.”

The blond hesitates, then replies, “Tommy.”

Adam realizes he is smiling and Tommy is not. In fact, Tommy is guarded and studying him.

I must look like a fool, he thinks. Stop smiling!

He clears his throat in an effort to wipe the grin off his face. Tommy stoops down and picks up the audio recorder. He stares at it, then hands it to Adam. Adam takes it and smiles. Damn it! Tommy attempts a smile in return but it comes off like a grimace, as though he isn’t used to smiling about anything, and Adam finds it horribly adorable.

“Thanks,” he tells Tommy. “And thanks for helping me.”

Tommy nods and points to the recorder.

“Is that helpful?” he asks.

“This?” Adam looks down at it, then back at Tommy. He shrugs. “I guess. But if you’ve done any research at all on this place then you already know all of the information on here.”

“Oh,” Tommy replies.

Why does he look sad? Adam wonders.

“You must know all about this place,” Adam comments.

Tommy looks at him sharply. “Why do you say that?”

“You don’t have an audio tour and you’re not with a group so...” he trails off, letting Tommy deduce the rest.

“I know some things,” Tommy answers vaguely. “Not everything, but enough. I guess.”

Adam plunges in with his suggestion like he’s jumping into a pool of ice water. “Wanna tour together and we can fill each other in?”

It takes Tommy a moment to answer and Adam nearly runs away in embarrassment.

“Okay,” he replies.

They start walking. Adam glances over at Tommy often. Tommy stares straight ahead.

“Where are you from?” he asks.

Tommy doesn’t answer right away. “California,” he answers.

“Me too,” Adam replies. “I’m in San Diego, but I’m thinking of moving to LA.”

Tommy doesn’t reply, and awkward silence falls between them. Adam looks over at Tommy again. Tommy’s mind seems to be elsewhere. Adam takes the opportunity to look closer at him. He’s really beautiful. Blond hair that looks like silk, smooth, pale skin, dark eyes, and he’s pretty sure eyelashes that long are illegal. He looks doll-like, fragile, but he gets the feeling Tommy is anything but fragile.

“How long are you here for?” Adam asks, trying to pick up the conversation.

Tommy jerks his head towards him.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

Adam doesn’t know how to answer that.

“Oh, you mean in Paris,” Tommy clarifies.

Adam nods. Strange. Where else would he mean?

“Not sure, really,” Tommy answers.

Adam nods again. He still doesn’t know what to say. He’s very much drawn to Tommy but so far the exchange has been odd. Maybe he shouldn’t be talking to Tommy at all? What if Tommy’s crazy or dangerous? He probably shouldn’t try to pick up dates in the Empire of the Dead anyway.

“How long are you in Paris?” Tommy asks.           

“I leave day after tomorrow,” Adam tells him. “It’s a short visit. Only had so much to spend on a vacation.”

Tommy goes quiet again. Adam silently walks next to him.

“What do you think of the catacombs?” Tommy asks.

“I think they’re fascinating yet sad,” Adam answers.

“Why sad?” Tommy asks.

Adam shrugs slightly, “It’s death. Death on display. These bones are people. Or were. And we’ve paid money to stare at them, excited to take pictures and show them to others...”

He trails off, thinking of the pictures on his phone, feeling like a schmuck.

“I’m sure this isn’t what they intended their final resting place to be like,” Adam concludes.

“Probably not,” Tommy says quietly.

Adam looks at him. Tommy stops walking, meeting Adam’s look. His dark eyes glitter in the dimly lit passageway and Adam feels like he’s floating.

“But don’t feel bad,” Tommy tells him. “Curiosity is natural. And these bones aren’t really people anymore. They’re not here anymore.”

“They’re not?” Adam asks, still floating in Tommy’s gaze.

“Most find their way out,” Tommy says.

               

Tommy’s statement sticks with him the rest of their tour - Most find their way out. What does that mean? Who does he mean? The living, of course, find their way out. He can’t mean the dead, can he? Because that might mean he has a loose connection upstairs. Shit, he would find a gorgeous man who’s crazy. Maybe Tommy’s just superstitious?

That must be it, Adam concludes, feeling comfortable again. Tommy’s superstitious, probably believes in ghosts and such, no big deal.

They reached the end of the passageway, the end of the tour. Adam pauses, Tommy stopping beside him, looking at the stairs leading up to the city streets.

“One hundred and thirty steps down, a mile long walk, now eighty-three steps up,” Adam sighs.

He turns to Tommy. Here’s the awkward part. What if Tommy doesn’t want to see him again? Tommy stares intently at him. Adam can feel his heartbeat in his throat. He really doesn’t want to leave Tommy. He doesn’t want to be rejected. He doesn’t want their time to be done, even if they are underground in a morbid sanctuary.

“Wanna go get a drink or something?” he asks breathlessly.

Tommy doesn’t flinch, that’s good. He isn’t backing away, that’s even better. He also isn’t saying anything. Adam opens his mouth to blow off his own invite as no big deal, when Tommy’s face softens.

“I’d really like that,” he says. “I’ll try.”

Adam blinks. Try? Is he twelve and sneaking out?

“Okay,” Adam replies slowly. “So... later, then?”

“Yeah,” Tommy answers. “I’ll try to meet you later.”

There’s that weird moment again. Tommy’s an enigma and Adam can’t decide if he should forget about it or pursue him harder. He motions to the stairs leading up.

“Ready to go up?” he asks.

“Um,” Tommy hesitates. “You go on up. I left my jacket back there when I stopped to help you. I’m just gonna go get it.”

Adam feels himself deflate. It’s like that, then. Okay. Just let it go, Lambert.

“Sure,” Adam says, trying not to let the disappointment into his voice and failing. “See ya.”

He turns and begins marching up the spiral stairs. At the first turn in the staircase he sees Tommy still standing at the bottom, watching him. At the second turn, Tommy’s nowhere to be found, like he’s disappeared. Adam pulls himself up the stairs to the street, heavy with disappointment. Tommy never asked what time or where.

When Adam reaches the street, he squints at the bright light, shading his eyes against the sun. He walks across the road and stands in the shade, looking back at the catacombs exit. Maybe Tommy was nervous and forgot to ask when and where? Maybe Adam should wait for him? Maybe Adam’s desperate? He groans aloud. Why is trying to pick up a guy so difficult and lame? He decides to wait. He’ll just watch the exit and wait for Tommy to come out. He shouldn’t be that long since he’s not actually touring, just getting his jacket. Was Tommy holding a jacket when Adam saw him the first time at the entrance? Was he holding one when he found Adam in panic mode in the passageway? 


	2. Wherever You Go, Shadowlike Death Will Follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 - Adam and Tommy in the catacombs (the end)

The sun set an hour ago. Adam waits near a dim streetlight across the street from the catacombs’ exit. Tommy still hasn’t emerged. Adam bounces between feeling foolish and being worried. Is Tommy still down there? Or did he slip past Adam’s sight? Is Tommy hurt and can’t get out? Or did he come out, see Adam across the street like a stalker, and sneak away? Adam is leaning towards the latter.

He looked back at the picture on his phone, the one with Tommy’s profile on the edge. Tommy didn’t appear to be wearing a jacket. He could’ve been carrying one, though. Adam is still unsure of the “going back for my jacket” excuse. It could be true. If so, then Tommy could be hurt somehow and the catacombs closed, no one knowing he’s in there. Then again, if he hadn’t been carrying a jacket, the excuse is just that - an excuse. Adam is slightly aware that he’s over thinking this whole thing.

He sighs. He doesn’t know what’s happened, but the feeling that something is off is persistent. He doesn’t want to look crazy or ridiculous, yet he’s concerned that Tommy needs help. Although, he’s aware there are many secret entrances and exits to the catacombs, he figures it’s reasonable that Tommy would use the public exit and not a secret exit. Unless he’s trying to dodge Adam...

What are the odds you’ll find him if you go back down? he asks himself.

It’s only a mile stretch, he answers.

What if Tommy’s hiding in one of the closed off sections? he thinks.

While there is a section of the catacombs open to the public for viewing, the whole area spans 186 miles. Impossible to search if you’re one person. The one mile arranged for public viewing is the tiniest fraction open. But what if Tommy really is in trouble?

“Fuck it,” he mutters, starting across the street.

He walks by the exit he came out of earlier, trying to look at the doorway and be inconspicuous at the same time. He has to figure out how to get back inside. He wishes he knew where a secret entrance was located, or at least knew of someone who sneaks in often, like the Cataphiles groups that creep in to explore and have parties. After walking by the exit, he turns around and strolls by it again, looking at the street and sidewalks surrounding him. He stops at the exit and stands, looking around as though he’s waiting for someone and just happens to be standing here. Nothing illegal going on here or about to go on here.

Nobody is paying him any attention. He slowly approaches the exit door. It’s dark in the doorway. He’s never broken into anything in his life. He has no idea how to pick a lock. He glances around, pulls out his phone, and does a Google search. Why not? Everything else is on Google. He aims the phone’s LED light to the ground, searching for a piece of wire or anything that can fit into the lock. He hears the footsteps at the last second, marching towards him with purpose. He crouches to the ground and turns off the LED light, plunging him into shadow. The security guard stops near him, seems to be staring right at him. Adam holds his breath. It’s a $65 fine in American dollars if caught breaking into the catacombs. Not a big fine, but he’s not exactly rolling in so much money he can afford to toss away $65. The guard turns on his heel and marches away. Adam lets out his breath, feeling lightheaded. How did he not get busted?

After his heart rate calms, he resumes looking on the ground with his phone light for anything that might pick a lock. Nothing. The area is clean of any debris. He curses under his breath and stands, looking at the door. How the hell does he get in to save Tommy? Frustrated, he grabs the door knob, shaking it violently, pushing inward. It pops open and Adam nearly falls inside. He backs up and stares at the door. How did they leave it unlocked? He looks behind him, making sure the security guard isn’t back and this is really a set up. Seeing no one, he steps through the doorway. The tunnels below are dimly lit by gas lights. He shuts the door and looks down from the top of the stairs.

The stillness is uncomfortable. The silence is deafening. He feels uneasy, but thoughts of being Tommy’s hero starts him down the steps. He reaches the doorway where tourists exit the passage. The sign above it reads, _“Wherever you go, shadowlike death will follow."_ He stares at the sentence, feeling something familiar and forgotten nagging at him but he can’t place what it is.

He crosses into the passage, stepping cautiously. The feeling that he’s supposed to remember something is stronger the deeper he goes into the catacombs. He doesn’t like it. And he doesn’t see Tommy.

“Tommy?’ he whispers.

The sound of his voice drops flat like a stone at his feet. Silence swallows everything here. He could shout and his voice wouldn’t reach a foot past his mouth. He stops walking and looks at a wall. A wall of human bones. He notices that the only bones stacked are skulls, femurs, and tibias. The skulls have no jaws or teeth. This realization crawls over him. Live human beings did this, picked and chose what to stack and display, what to remove and throw away. It seems haphazard and cold. This pile of bones is an exhibit, a tourist attraction of people’s ends. Adam feels sick to his stomach. They came from so many eras, from so many places. Some of these bones died a natural death, and others....others were.....

“Adam,” Tommy states softly.

“How?” Adam asks. “How did we end up here?”

He looks at Tommy, who is standing next to him, watching him carefully.

“I don’t remember,” he explains.

“You never do,” Tommy says.

Adam shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

“It’ll come back,” Tommy tells him. “It always does.”

Adam focuses on Tommy, his mind looking past Tommy, and he feels as though he’s slipping into a trance.

“We met here...in Paris,” he says. “At some souvenir shop. You kept walking past me, making sure to brush me every time you passed.”

Tommy smiles. It’s natural this time, easy.

“I thought you were so beautiful and so obvious,” Adam says with a laugh. “I had no trouble asking you out. We... we did go out, and at the end of the date we were walking. I was teaching you French, just phrases. I watched your mouth as you recited them back and just thought of how I couldn’t wait to kiss you.”

Adam warms at the memory, smiling to himself.

“I felt like I’d known you forever,” he continues. “The easiness between us was unusual and comforting and real. I was really excited about that.”

There had been an immediate connection between them, a click, and everything made sense.  He knew that he’d found his soul mate.

“But...,” Adam stops, dread overcoming him. He doesn’t want to go on. He looks at Tommy.

Tommy’s smile fades.

“We were robbed that night,” Tommy continues for him. “Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. They wanted money and we fought back.”

“We lost,” Adam concludes.

Tommy confirms with a nod.

“They brought us down here and left us in one of the unused passages,” Tommy says. “There are so many closed passages that are scattered with bones that no one goes into. It was easy to hide us and not worry that we’d be found.”

“Why don’t I remember this?” Adam asks.

“I’m not sure why you keep forgetting, other than it’s just how you deal with the trauma of it,” Tommy reasons.

“I don’t understand,” Adam mumbles, more to himself than to Tommy. “How long have we been here?”

“A year,” Tommy replies.

Adam feels lightheaded. A year? How is that possible? How is any of this possible? He remembers, though. The footsteps behind them that night, the demands for money, their resistance. There was more than one thief, and more than one weapon. The thieves made their disdain of tourists apparent. Neither Adam nor Tommy had much money on them but that wasn’t the point. Tommy refused to buckle and give them anything, and when they hurt Tommy, Adam threw his money at them and told them to take it all and leave them. But their insolence had angered the thieves, who felt they were hiding more wealth than Adam was handing over. Things had ended badly for Adam and Tommy. They were carried to the nearest secret entrance to the catacombs, a sewer entrance in an alley. The thieves dragged them down a deserted tunnel beneath, one full of discarded bones. It was dark and cold and smelled of old, wet dirt and stone. They were tossed brusquely among the bones, side by side, and left. Adam reached out and clutched Tommy’s hand as the world faded to nothing. They would never be found.

“We go through this charade every night,” Tommy tells him, bringing him back to the present. “You think you’re a tourist, you go through the motions. I play along until you come back in and remember.”

Adam feels lost and his breathing is growing heavy.

“What are we?” he asks. “If we’re not alive, what are we?”

“Ghosts?” Tommy guesses. “I’m not really sure.”

Adam huffs. “You don’t believe that, do you?”

Tommy shrugs. “Does it really matter? We are whatever we are, whatever that is. I don’t know what name to put to it and it doesn’t matter because it won’t change anything.”

“Are you sure we’re....” he can’t say the word dead. Not yet. “Ghosts, or whatever?”

Tommy gives him a long look. “Did you speak to anyone other than me today?”

Adam shakes his head, trying to remember. He hadn’t spoken to anyone at all when he came in. Just joined a tour group and walked with them until he saw Tommy. And when he went back for an audio tour there wasn’t an employee there, so he’d left the money and taken an audio player.

“Did anyone see you?” Tommy asks.

“There was a guard outside when I was coming back in and he...” Adam stops realizing that no, the guard had not actually seen him. He’d looked right at Adam but hadn’t seen him. He holds up his phone. “My phone,” he says, showing Tommy. “How does my phone work after a year?”

Explain that! he thinks with triumph.

That phone doesn’t work, Adam,” Tommy says patiently. “The battery ran out ages ago, but every night you think it works. You even act like you’re taking pictures.”

Adam looks at the phone and hits the power button to show Tommy that it indeed works. But the phone doesn’t light up, doesn’t power on, it doesn’t even feel warm. Adam feels the world drop out from under him and nearly cries as he slowly accepts what Tommy is saying.

“How do we get out?” he asks, panic rising. “Where do we go? What the fuck do we do, Tommy?”

Tommy takes Adam’s hands in his. When Tommy touches him a calmness comes over him.

“I didn’t get to kiss you,” Adam says sadly, a tear sliding down his cheek.

Tommy places his hands softly on the sides of Adam’s face, his thumb catching the tear. When Tommy’s lips touch his, Adam feels his soul is one piece again. He wraps his arms around Tommy, vowing not to let go, not to forget again. Tommy’s mouth is so warm and soft and wet, how are they not alive? He feels a warmth, a light radiate from Tommy and envelop him, filling him with peace.

“I don’t want to leave,” Adam says softly.

“I know,” Tommy replies. “You’re afraid. There is a way out, a doorway, but you’re afraid of it.”

Adam still holds Tommy. His eyes are closed and their foreheads touching.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he says. “That’s why I’m afraid, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Tommy answers. “Others have passed through here, they’ve gone through the doorway, and they haven’t returned.”

“We don’t know what’s on the other side,” Adam says. “I don’t know what will happen to us. I can’t lose you.”

“You’d rather spend eternity in these tunnels with me, than in a paradise without me,” Tommy sums up.

 Adam nods. That’s exactly it. He can’t be without Tommy. It doesn’t matter to him where eternity is as long as Tommy is there. Right now, his eternity is here and Tommy is here. He’s hesitant to move on at the risk of change, at the risk of losing Tommy. They’d just found each other!

“I understand,” Tommy says. “But I don’t believe that will happen. I don’t believe that we’ll be apart if we go through.”

“You don’t know, though,” Adam says, his grip on Tommy tightening. “We don’t know what’s out there or where it goes or what it means.”

“We can’t stay here forever,” Tommy states.

Adam opens his eyes. They’re no longer in the tourists’ passageway. They’re in a deserted tunnel facing a narrow stone doorway set into the wall. A blue light emanates from around it, making it visible in the heavy darkness.

“Why haven’t you gone through?” Adam asks. Tommy’s found a way out, he clearly doesn’t want to stay down here in the catacombs, so why hasn’t he just walked through?

“You’re my soul,” Tommy says frankly. “I won’t leave you behind.”

Adam kisses Tommy again, willing them to meld together into one being. He grips Tommy hard when he moans into Adam’s mouth. He can feel his heart racing and wonders how that can be, but then again, nothing has made a lot of sense tonight other than Tommy.

Adam looks at him, drinks in the sight of him. His structure is sharp and fine, delicate and bathed in blue light. He’s gorgeous. He spent the rest of his life, short as that was, with this man, and that is the one silver lining in this whole craziness. They were denied time in life. Adam wants eternal time in death. He’s scared he won’t get it. But right now, they’re outside the dreaded door to whatever other side is waiting. He wonders if they’ve been here before, is this part of the ritual he puts them through every day?

“No,” Tommy says, reading his mind. “You have not been here before.”

Adam nods and looks at the door. He wonders how Tommy found it.

“You want me to decide,” he states, understanding. “You’re going to do whatever I decide, but you want me to decide now.”

Tommy gives him a small smile, touching Adam’s cheek.

“Whatever you decide, I’ll do,” he says.

Adam hugs Tommy to him. His fear of losing Tommy growing by the second. Yet he can’t bring himself to demand Tommy stay in this limbo just for him. It would be selfish.

“I love you,” Adam whispers into Tommy’s neck.

Tommy’s hold tightens. “I love you more.”

Adam smiles. He’s decided. He loosens his grip on Tommy, looking into his eyes, trying to memorize every inch of him just in case.... just in case. His hands touch Tommy’s face, pushes his hair back, and he kisses him one more time.

When they look back at the door, they see it’s open now, just a crack. The blue light shines bright and soft through the narrow opening. What lives on the other side is timeless and kind. It gives Adam a sliver of hope. He takes Tommy’s hand, holding tight. They push the door open together, the light brightens but doesn’t hurt. The energy on the other side feels warm and welcoming. It confuses Adam, yet comforts him.

“We’re going to be okay,” Tommy says. “I think we’ll be together.”

“We are,” Adam says assuredly, and he doesn’t know how but he knows that they will never be separated.

Adam kisses Tommy’s hand and they walk through the doorway. 


End file.
